Hello Ravens fans. I hope you are all having a splendid day. Are you starved for football news like me? Do you too spend more time than you’re proud of refreshing your Twitter or Instagram feed from a separate tab on your browser at work hoping for anything related to the Ravens? Do you think the media reports of the Joe Flacco/Lamar Jackson “rift” are silly (but actually secretly love them because at least it’s something about the Ravens during the offseason)?
Well, friends, do I have an article for you.
This is not an article that will give you any information on who is currently winning the quarterback battle because, quite frankly, I’m not a member of the Ravens’ organization or a mind reader. In other words, if you’re looking for real content, you’ve come to the wrong place.
That being said, I am an avid social media consumer and a professional overthinker. I believe these skills qualify me to make sweeping assumptions about who is winning the quarterback battle based off of what I see on social media.
Let’s face it, Lamar is absolutely demolishing Joe. I mean the dude regularly posts on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. Snapchat, people! Can we verify that Joe even knows what Snapchat is? I like to imagine that Joe once downloaded Snapchat but deleted it shortly after sending a picture to the wrong person. A poorly-timed pic, if you will.
In the past 24 hours alone, I’ve learned that Lamar has a Gucci belt through his Snapchat. Do you know how many Gucci belts Joe has? I don’t either, but I’m going to assume zero because he has never posted a picture of one on social media. Another dub for Lamar.
Not only does Lamar have a Snapchat and more Gucci belts, but the dude is an absolutely prolific user of emojis. If emoji use is in any way correlated to performance on the field, Canton better start getting Lamar’s bust and gold jacket ready now because Lamar is first-ballot, baby. I’m talking tears of joy, sunglasses, flames, 100’s, you name it. Guy is the total package. Joe’s favorite emoji is probably, I don’t know, the snowman or something? 3-0, Lamar.
Joe, buddy, you’ve got to step it up. You’re getting totally outclassed here. It’s not like you can’t fight back, my man. Retweeting a meme or posting a cute picture of one of your like 700 children could go a long way. Maybe pull a Kanye West and send Lamar a text telling him that you love him and post a picture of his response on Twitter or something. Seriously, your social media is more boring than a Cam Cameron offensive drive.
Look, I’m not saying that quarterback battles are won on social media. But if they were, Joe would be suiting up for the Ottawa Rough Riders in September.