Top 5 WRs in AFC North heading into 2015

Typing out their names was completed in one effortless motion.

Ranking the individuals, however, grew taxing, stressful even, as I'm usually that guy who panics, rushes to conclusions and draws in the loathed, "Yo, do you even watch football?" questions.

After -- wait, it's 9:51 already? -- shifting their faces around and asking for divine assistance, here is the list of the five receivers no cornerback wants to cover one-on-one in 2015.

The Rules

1. The quarterback throwing is Drew Brees, the most accurate gunslinger in NFL history. Check the stats. (Editor's note: Without this rule, nobody on the Browns makes this list.)
2. No receiver was assessed for their route running techniques, as I was unable to watch 224 hours of game film. 
3. These ball hawks will not only pad their stats in 2015, but impact their offenses and helps the team win.

From great ... to best.

5. Martavis Bryant, Pittsburgh Steelers

In his first NFL campaign the wideout basketed eight touchdowns on 26 total receptions. He averaged 21.1 yards per catch. While the fifth spot was tough, Marlon Brown, Bengals' Marvin Jones and Browns' Brian Hartline couldn't jar it off Bryant's hands.

Drafted out of Clemson in the fourth round, Bryant was a sleeper coming into the league, and might be the ultimate sleeper in his second go-around on a deep and talented Steelers offense.

4. Dwayne Bowe, Cleveland Browns

Readers, if you're eating, chew slow while reading the next sentence. That, or you might want to clear your throats right ... now: Newly hired wide receivers coach Joseph "Joker" Phillips and offensive coordinator John DeFilippo could flip the script in Cleveland. Keep in mind, however, that going 9-7 in the AFC is not strong enough to punch a postseason ticket.

The Browns were one game away from finishing the 2014 season with an 8-8 record. Naturally, new blood compels me, and especially the Browns offense, with bargain-signees veterans Hartline and Bowe, now have my undivided attention. How long they hold it is up to them.

When healthy, Bowe's a playmaker who averaged nearly 1,000 yards in eight NFL seasons. The chain-moving possession receiver brings to the Browns' table consistency and a legitimate endzone option.

3. Steve Smith Sr., Baltimore Ravens

We were right, we predicted the Seen-Ya would lead the Ravens offense in receptions.

Under freshly-squeezed offensive coordinator Marc Trestman we might see Smith fade to black and not surpass the 1,000-yard mark this fall (and winter), but since he's undeniably the heartbeat of the Ravens offense, impact-wise, the selfless man had to make the cut. His bombastic locker room presence and influence on the team's success is such a force, it needs ... icing up. #IceUpSon

2. Antonio Brown, Pittsburgh Steelers

The scary part of Brown's stat sheet is that two seasons ago, he started 14 games and finished the year with 110 receptions. Brown is the best in the division, but he's brought up in discussions with Jordy Nelson and Julio Jones, two of the NFL's best. Just to put his 129 catches in perspective, Detroit Lions ball-magnet Calvin Johnson led the NFL in 2012 with 122.

He nearly took the top-ranked spot until I thought ...

1. A.J. Green, Cincinnati Bengals

Ben Roethlisberger and the Steelers offense can survive if Brown departs. The Red Rifle, Andy Dalton, will crumble like a raggedy red velvet cake if Green runs a 'go' route to a different state.

Green, not Giovani Bernard, not Jeremy Hill, is the workhorse of this offense.

Do I watch football, or what?