In a truly inspirational press conference yesterday, Tom Brady expressed his love for the game as only he could. Calling out the rest of the league for their selfish ways, he expressed his desire to return to what he loves about football.
"Most football players these days are all about money. That's just not me," he unpretentiously explained. "I just want to get back out there, kicking safeties, spying on opponents, and inventing rules."
Gushing fans across the country, most of whom have changed their name to "Tom," "Brady," "Giselle," or all three, echoed this sentiment: "NFL players today need to realize that kids really do look up to them," said Gisele Meekins of Boston. Gisele is the proud mother of two boys, Tom and Thomas. "When I see my boys playing outside, crying for flags and choking under pressure, it really makes me sad to think that one day it could all be about money for them. We really need to change the culture of the NFL, and I'm just thankful that our Lord and Savior, Tom Brady, is leading the charge in the right direction."
NFL analysts across the country were unavailable to comment, as most were still recovering from the paralyzing level of adoration they often experience when Brady speaks. ESPN's Skip Bayless was one of the few to return our calls, but "He's just...so...beautiful" were all we could decipher between sobs. As pundits begin to gather themselves, we will surely hear much about this monumental speech.
In related news, the NFLPA will vote Friday on whether to award Tom Brady a Lombardi Trophy for each year that he wasn't allowed to see what the other team was doing at practice. Most expect it to be a short meeting, as players, coaches, and officials across the league are generally disgusted that it has taken this long to fix "a clearly unfair situation."
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