The knock on Cam is that he installs offensive schemes that completely do not fit our personnel. Well, here is a new scheme that fit the loads of talent already sitting on our roster. For example—without Matt Birk, we don't have a center. So why trot out the son of a coach no longer even employed by the team and pretend that we do?

The answer to all our problems starts with our new center: MORGAN COX. Guy is a a beast. The mascot for “Plays like a Raven.” Tore his ACL AND his MCL and then CAME BACK IN THE GAME. To beat CLEVELAND.He is the centerpiece of our new offensive scheme. He shotgun snaps to Flacco 10 yards behind the line of scrimmage, where Rice and Leach also line up.

This way, no matter how bad the offensive line is Rice always gets the ball in space, where he's most at home, and Leach just decleats anyone that gets near Rice. Flacco has enough time to unload to Torrey Smith before the unblocked defenders get in his face. Oher keeps his job at LT, but lines up 3 yards behind the line of scrimmage so he can't false start even if he wants to. Defenses will tire quickly, as despite easily running through our turnstile O-line, they still have to sprint 10-15 yards to hit Flacco on every down, as we rope em and dope em. Flacco's arm strength is used to its max potential by throwing so far behind the line.

We install an offensive sub package, with Boldin, Ricky Williams and Flacco in the Wildcat, as well as Ed Reed. A fleaflicking frenzy ensues, confusing defenders with what amounts to a West Coast offense behind the line of scrimmage. Ricky Williams smokes a pound of the finest imported purp before the game, so even without his tinted visor he drives DBs nuts because his eyes are so lidded they can't be read while he goes through his progressions. The weed will also help with the pain from any potential sacks. Ed Reed, always a threat to lateral, creates further coverage nightmares contributing to blown assignments.

So what we really have here is a supercharged spread offense. We not only stretch the field dozens of yards forward. We stretch it 15 yards BACKWARDS as well! Because the most underutilized part of the field in playbooks is the space BEHIND the line of scrimmage.

In order for this scheme to actually make the playbook, I pose as a youngster with a terminal illness, and my wish is for Cam to let me call a series. The scheme is an instant success, we sign Cox to a 5 year, $60m ($38m guaranteed) deal, and teams start franchising long snappers at the new $10m average. Cox buys me a row house in gratitude. The Ravens win the Super Bowl and after signing me to a one-day symbolic contract Cox and I share the cover of Madden 13 in purple and black.

Fin.

SO—what schemes can YOU, Beatdown readers, come up with to fit our roster's abundant talent? What positional upgrades are already on the roster? The possibilities are endless.

And note: I'm not in panic mode at all. I think we win the division this year and steamroll the Steelers on the way to a Lombardi. But a little creative thinking never hurt anyone right?