Aaron Rodgers' Impending Suicide

by jackmca on Dec 10, 2011 8:47 AM EST

No, Aaron Rodgers is not going to kill himself. He's probably going to win the Super Bowl. Again.

But in this PTI/Around the Horn spoof by "The Onion News Network," that's the story of the day. "Get Out of My Face" (or GOOMF for short) anchors Kenny and Doc go back and forth on the shocking news.

Said Rodgers, "Winning has lost its thrill and losing is obviously worse. Now, my death is all that can give our season meaning."

This is absolutely hilarious, courtesy of the comedic geniuses at "The Onion." Not safe for work.

I'm not sure if it's okay to embed the video on here, so I'll just link it. If Bruce says it's okay, I'll embed it instead. But watch it, regardless. This is gold.

Aaron Rodgers Vows to Make Season Interesting By Killing Self

The opinions posted here are those of the administrator of this blog and his loyal readers. They are in no way official comments from the team, and should not be misconstued as such, even though he thinks he could do just as well or even a better job!

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Comments

That was great. I appreciated the stats for Sanchez’s injury; it really helped to put it into perspective for me.

Water covers 2/3 of the Earth's surface. Ed Reed covers the rest.

State your case, back it up with facts and reasonable opinions ...
Bruce Raffel

by Ampallang on Dec 10, 2011 9:25 AM EST reply actions

“Brunnel pussy finger is 41 years old! He can’t keep up with the pace of today’s fingerbanging” “Maybe, or you just may be a fat idiot!”

Flacco has to trust his receivers to make catches, but shouldn’t throw towards coverage. He needs to attack deep more often, but shouldn’t hold onto the ball so long. He needs to show more awareness in the pocket and move to extend plays, but nothing good comes of him leaving the pocket. He should run with the ball if nobody’s open, but he definitely can’t run with the ball.

Flacco should have the awareness of Roethlisberger, the elusiveness of Vick, the control of the offense of Manning, the leadership of Brady, the accuracy of Brees, and the arm strength of … Flacco? - Ampallang

by Mr MaLoR on Dec 10, 2011 1:26 PM EST up reply actions

I thought the Sanchez part

was better than the Aaron Rodgers story. Feel free to embed if you’d like. No problem from me. Not a huge fan of any suicide “jokes,” though.

aka 'Rexx'

by Bruce Raffel on Dec 10, 2011 9:58 AM EST reply actions

i love the ticker at the bottom

at one point it reads “New NCAA Rule to Prohibit Coaches from Doing Horrible Things”

TO BILL BRASKY!!!

by jackmca on Dec 10, 2011 11:39 AM EST reply actions

“Riot cop teaching Suh how to legally dish out violence”

by Mr MaLoR on Dec 10, 2011 1:27 PM EST up reply actions

LOL didnt see that one

Also, when they’re talking about how nuts the Marlins are, they list other possible insane acquisitions, to include

30,000 actual marlins
a 50 year lease on the washington monument
A WWII era submarine full of cocaine
Vernon Wells

I laughed

TO BILL BRASKY!!!

by jackmca on Dec 10, 2011 2:52 PM EST via mobile up reply actions

The Onion

Wow, priceless.

Going old-school, probably before many of you were born or at least out of diapers, but back in the late ’80’s/early 90’s the good folks at the Onion would publish a full parody version of the USA Today newspaper. It was hilarious and people would fight over getting a copy…

Some of the stories I vaguely remember: an NCAA football player doing a “50-yard line” (cocaine reference -back when there was more snow in Miami and LA than Telluride… this was before crack had hit the scene in a big way and meth was relegated to the backwoods of Idaho…); another story about the goings-on in (Prince) Charles’s and (Lady) Di’s boudoir… Great stuff, and I imagine an intact hard copy today would probably be worth a little something.

"A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring."
"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."
"God's whiskers! Your face is as hideous as the demon's in my storybook!"
"I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today."
"It's big for a reason."

For Pittsburgh fans, that's Pope, Twain, Rostand, Rogers and Megamind

by vlad755 on Dec 10, 2011 3:50 PM EST reply actions